A Spoonful of Bleach
by Hanajima-san
Summary: A number of Bleach drabbles with different characters and genres. Most will be humor.
1. Thinking

**I stole the whole "Bleach drabble fic" idea from my good friend Evil Demon Warrior Bunny. She started doing Bleach drabbles (under the title Bleach Soup) and I can't seem to write long fanfics, so I thought I'd write some too. Virtual brownies to EDWB ^.^ Anyway, each of these will be exactly 100 words long, and about any random thing I happen to think of. Enjoy!**

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**Characters: Kyoraku Shunsui, Ise Nanao**

**Genre: Romance/Humor (a bit)**

Kyoraku Shunsui was thinking. That in itself was shocking. He usually preferred the pursuits of sleeping, drinking, or womanizing. They weren't nearly as complicated as this thinking, which actually required, well, thought.

Nonetheless, Shunsui thought. Every day he showered his lieutenant with praise and flirtations, most of it purely in fun.

Most. He was thinking, today, of what would happen if she returned some of his madness. He was thinking of what it would be like to hold her in his arms, to stroke her hair, to bend down and kiss her…

But that wouldn't happen. Not with her.

Would it?

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**This is pretty much my favorite pairing. I figured Shunsui had to be serious at some point in his life, and it probably involved Nanao in some way. Besides, aren't they just adorable? **

**I realized after I wrote this it's similar to one of Evil Demon Warrior Bunny's drabbles, except from Nanao's point of view. Go read it! It's good. :)  
**


	2. The Fans

**I'm going to try to update this weekly, but I don't know how true to that I'll stay. I'm currently in Florida, so I won't be able to update past this until I get home on Monday. Luckily I already had this uploaded. Sorry for another 8th Division drabble, I've got them on my mind. I'll have something new for the next one, promise.**

**Go read Bleach Soup! Shameless Plugs Forever!**

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**Characters: Ise Nanao, Jushiro Ukitake**

**Genre: Humor**

Ukitake stuck his head into the 8th division office. "Nanao-san, have you seen Kyoraku? He passed my headquarters shouting something about alcohol and I wanted to—"

Ukitake trailed off. "Nanao-san, why exactly are you packing lead into the base of that fan?"

Nanao blushed. Her supply of fans to hit her captain with was running low, as they seemed to disappear with alarming regularity, so she was making some new ones while the captain was out.

"No particular reason," she said innocently.

Shaking his head, Ukitake made his exit. "I'll go ask Rangiku-san." Sometimes he wondered about that girl.

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**As much as I love Shunsui, I'd want über heavy fans to hit him with too. Just in case. **


	3. Mongrels

**I tried to write a full length oneshot about this plot, and it failed rather miserably. So I chopped out about a billion words and came up with this little… thing. I still love these two.

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**Characters: Kisuke Urahara, Yoruichi Shihoin**

**Genre: Humor/Romance (mentioned)**

"Would you mind telling me why there are a large number of flea-infested dogs invading the downstairs?" Yoruichi seethed, giving Urahara a vicious poke. He shrugged.

"Even poor, lost little doggies need a home." He tried to assume an innocent face. Yoruichi snarled.

"When I moved in with you, I did not agree to these _mongrels_." Urahara pouted.

"Oh, come on," he whined, "You have to admit they're cute. Dogs always were my favorite animal."

This was probably not the best thing to say.

The resulting yelp of pain sounded like a man being tortured.

Which, admittedly, he probably was.

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**Poor Urahara. He just wanted a puppy. A large number of flea-infested puppies.**


	4. Bells

**I felt a Zaraki drabble was in order. The man doesn't get enough attention.  


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Characters: Zaraki Kenpachi, Yachiru Kusajishi, Byakuya Kuchiki.**

**Genre: Humor**

"WHERE ARE MY BELLS?!?" Zaraki bellowed, searching his office. Not that he ever used his office, but he'd searched everywhere else and still couldn't find the hair ornaments he usually wore. Zaraki's usually overwhelming reitsu flared with his temper, making every unseated shinigami within a three-mile radius of the 11th division headquarters pass out. Zaraki was a creature of habit. He needed his bells.

Over in the 6th division, Yachiru giggled, busily threading the bells through the sleeping Byakuya's hair. She spent the rest of the day watching him try and figure out where the ringing noise was coming from.

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**Yeah... Sorry about this. **


	5. Covers

**I felt I had to write a fanfic for Kira where he wasn't being angsty or emo. So I stuck him in bed with Gin. -cackle cackle- I don't usually write these two, and the pairing creeps me out a little, but Kira cracks me up. This pretty much just wrote itself.

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Characters: Kira, Gin**

**Genre: Humor/Romance**

Kira was cold.

He woke with a start to find his captain wrapped cocoon-like in the covers. He sighed. About to prod Gin and demand he share, Kira had a sudden and vivid mental image of his bleeding, lifeless body pinned to the opposite wall by Gin's shikai. Since the captain slept with his zanpakuto on the bedside table, it was a very real possibility.

Kira changed his mind and curled up into a tight ball, trying to keep warm. Wrapped in the covers, Gin smiled and pulled the sheets tighter.

Kira didn't get much sleep that night.**

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I didn't actually come up with this idea myself... I came across a comic on DeviantArt that had Kira complaining to Renji and Shuuhei about "taicho hogging the covers", but I can't for the life of me find it now. If anyone finds it, tell me the artist's name so I can give them credit. And if said artist happens to read this fic, I apologize for taking your idea, and beg forgiveness. I wasn't really trying to plagiarize....**


	6. Temptation

**I got eaten alive by mosquitoes watering the garden today, so I had to write a mosquito-bite fic. And who better to be plagued by mosquitoes than Yumichika?

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Characters: Ikkaku, Yumichika**

**Genre: Humor**

"Don't scratch it! You're only making it worse!" Ikkaku scolded, smacking Yumichika's hand away from the bug bite on the 5th seat's forehead.

"But it itches," Yumichika whined. "And this horrible red spot is marring my perfect beauty!" Ikkaku sighed.

"If you scratch at it too long, it'll leave a scar. Do you want that?" Ikkaku said, with surprising logic for a man practically carpeted in scars.

Yumichika's eyes widened. At that moment, there were a great many things he would have sacrificed to scratch that mosquito bite, but beauty wasn't one of them. Beauty was NEVER one of them.**

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Eh. It was a better idea than a fic, apparently. I'm running out of ideas for these… If anyone has a drabble they'd like to see, put it in a review and I'll see what I can do. **


	7. Life's Mysteries

**Drunk people are just really incredibly fun to write. Fun fact! I have never, ever been drunk before, so if I write drunken-ness completely wrong, TOO BAD! I don't own Bleach or sake, but I do own the pink barman. Can't have too many of those.

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Characters: Hisagi Shuuhei**

**Genre: Humor**

Hisagi stared deep into his sake bottle and contemplated life's mysteries. Since his face was pressed against the bottle's opening, he couldn't see very far and his eye was burning from alcohol fumes.

He still thought deeply, though. Deep thoughts like: "Why is the world tilting violently to the right?" "Shunsui's haori is pink." "So's the barman…" "He's sort of pretty." "Maybe I should tell him..."

"Hey. Pinky. " The barman ignored him. When you serve to shinigami with low alcohol tolerance, you get used to this sort of thing. Besides, he'd pass out in a moment anyway.

-thunk-

-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-

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…** I couldn't really think of an ending for this, so I just made him pass out. This turned out considerably stupider than I intended. Oh well. Hopefully someone, somewhere thinks it's funny. Doubtful, though.  
**


	8. Moment of Truth

**I have no idea where this one came from. My muse is a strange, twisted little person (don't tell her I said that). I still do not own Bleach.

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Genre: Humor**

**Characters: Ichigo, Byakuya**

"She respects you more, you gotta tell her!" Ichigo pleaded to the nobleman's stiff back.

"I will not. I absolutely refuse." Byakuya said coolly, examining one immaculate nail. "It is not my responsibility."

"But she's gotta find out sometime, and she'll kill me if I tell her! Please!" The redhead was nearly to the point of begging on his knees. Byakuya remained immobile.

"I want no part in whatever it is you're trying to do." The captain snapped, turning to glare at Ichigo. Ichigo almost cried.

"But you're her brother! You have to tell Rukia the Easter Bunny doesn't exist!"**

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It was originally going to be a child of Ichigo and Rukia's with Santa Claus, but this was so much more fun. I can just imagine the subsequent conversation between Byakuya and Rukia (he gave in, of course)… Beautiful. **


	9. Missing Hats

**Don't own Bleach. The Powers That Write Fanfiction won't leave me alone until I write all these random ideas down. Blame them for my weird, cracky ideas, not me.

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Genre: Humor  
Characters: Nanao, Shunsui**

"Nanaaaoooo-chaaaan!" Shunsui's voice floated through the window behind her. He was on the roof again, probably hanging upside-down in her window. The tone he used was so annoying Nanao could actually feel the words bouncing around in her skull. She ignored him.

"Nanao-chan, I can't find my hat." That wasn't surprising. Given the amount of sake he'd consumed, Nanao would have believed it if he couldn't find his own head.

She listened for a moment, then caught the sound of the scrape of roof tiles, a muffled thud and the tell-tale crunching of woven straw.

Evidently he'd found his hat.**

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I wish I could have made this one longer than 100 words. I had some fun sentences but they were unnecessary. Dang, these drabbles can be tough. **


	10. Shards

**Spoiler alert! You've been warned.**

**I was rereading the part where Aizen defects and he squishes his glasses in one hand. Thus this drabble. Yes, it's very OOC and cracky. Leave me alone.

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Genre: Humor**

**Characters: Gin, Aizen**

"How'd ya manage to get this much glass in yer hand?" Gin wondered, yanking another shard from Aizen's palm. The evil mastermind suppressed a very un-mastermind-like squeak.

"My glasses," he said shortly, turning faintly green as Gin removed a particularly long splinter from his thumb.

Gin raised his eyebrows, smirking. "Ya felt the need to drive yer glasses through yer hand?"

Aizen glared. "When we left Seireitei I crushed my glasses to show the beginning of a new era." Gin smirked wider. "It was symbolic!" Aizen insisted.

"D'ya know why they're called glasses?" Gin asked dryly.

"Shut up." Aizen snapped.**

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Seriously, OW. Can you imagine crunching glasses in one hand? I mean, go cinematography and all that, but ouch. **


	11. Favorite Things

**Yet another drabble that came to me as I was trying to sleep last night… I hope the end makes sense. It made sense in my head, but we all know that can be a dark and frightening place with little to no logic resembling most people's logic. Anyway, usual disclaimer, not Tite Kubo, blah blah blah.

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Characters: Shunsui, Nanao**

**Genre: Romance/Friendship/General/Something Cutesy**

"I think cherry blossoms are my third favorite thing in the world," Shunsui announced, gazing happily at the trees outside his window. Nanao snorted quietly.

"Sake is first, I presume," she muttered wryly. Her captain shook his head.

"No, only second," he answered, then fell quiet. Nanao didn't ask what took first on his list. She didn't want to encourage him _that_ much.

But when she returned from her lunch break to find a single cherry blossom floating in a cup of sake on her desk, she had a pretty good idea what Shunsui considered to be his favorite thing.**

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Here there be logic, I hope? **_**I**_** thought it was cute, anyway. Plus I could see Shunsui doing this. If I had more words I would have shown Nanao's reaction, but the first draft of this was 132 words long, so I had to do a lot of chopping. :( **

**Also, this drabble has the added bonus of getting Julie Andrews' voice stuck in your head forever and ever and ever. MWAHAHAHAHA!  
**


	12. Babbling

**I've gotten a few requests for an UkiUno so I'm giving it a shot. I love these two. They're so cute. If I got Ukitake's honorifics for Ukitake wrong, I'm terribly terribly sorry. I'm American, and we don't usually deal with these sorts of things… -_-;; Anyway, here it is.

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Genre: Humor/Light Romance**

**Characters: Ukitake, Unohana**

_Why, hello, Retsu-sama. It's lovely to see you. You know, I was wondering if you wanted to join me for tea this afternoon._

It had sounded so perfect in his head. Ukitake had even practiced saying it a few times. Unfortunately, his scripted lines hadn't gone quite the way he wanted them to. He'd started with "Um," and it had all gone downhill from there.

"Um, hello, Unohana-taichou, er, Retsu-senpai, I mean, -sama. Um… lovely weather. Here, I mean. That's… um… yes." Then he'd turned red and bolted.

_At least_, Ukitake consoled himself later,_ I bolted in a _manly_ way._**

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Poor, poor Ukitake. Yes, he's rather out of character, but I could see him getting flustered very easily. Sorry if it's not the romantic UkiUno you were hoping for. I will do a proper one eventually.**


	13. Communication

**Dear readers, I have neglected you so very badly. I am a horrible, horrible person who abandons her readers for almost a year. Bad Hana! Bad! But it will not happen again, I promise. I shall be diligent in my dedication to you! (Ha, yeah right.) Anyways, a new drabble for y'all to enjoy.

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Genre: Light romance/Friendship**

**Characters: Kuchiki Byakuya, Abarai Renji**

Byakuya eyed the silver object before him, eyebrow raised. "What is this?" He asked suspiciously, picking it up to examine. Renji smiled brightly.

"It's a cell phone." The eyebrow crept higher. "You talk to people with it. I thought we could, you know... keep in touch with it." He went pink when he realized how sappy he sounded and started to take it back, but Byakuya gestured for him to return to his desk.

Renji did so, disheartened. But when he glanced at Byakuya, he saw him slip the phone into his desk. Renji smiled and went back to work.**

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In all seriousness, I'm going to try and update more often. I'm up for suggestions if there's anything you'd like to see. A real UkiUno is in the works, but let me know if there's something else you want! I owe you guys big time... .**


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